I awoke today to find an unbelievably quiet house all to myself. I snuck through each room just to make sure I was the only one around. Thankfully, I was. It's not very often that I can enjoy a peaceful Sunday morning. There are usually kids running, arguments popping up, etc. Anything but silence.
But today, today was all mine.
I poured a glass of juice and planted myself in a chair on the front porch. The dog accompanied me and had a great time frolicking around inside the confines of our picket fence. The weather was perfect - warm enough to fight away a chill, with the slightest fall breeze blowing the hair from my face.
My neighborhood is all a flutter with people on the weekends. Everyone is out walking their dogs, biking, taking the kids for a stroll - it's quite nice to just sit and watch. Every so often Cameron would gallop up to the fence to greet a passerby. Dogs make friends so easily.
I could hear the choir from a church two doors up. People were driving up and down the street in search of parking. The stragglers would hurry up the road, bible in hand. One man parked in front of our house directly under a "No Parking" sign. As he walked away, he turned back several times as though he were debating on whether to leave his car there. Little did he know people do it all the time.
I sat in slince on the porch just watching life happen. Nobody knew I was there.
Then, walking up the sidewalk towards the church, a man appeared. He had Down's Syndrome. He wore dress clothes and a messenger bag draped over his shoulder. In his right hand, the Holy Bible. He walked with a persistence and perseverance. He didn't notice me. He never looked down at Cameron as she hopped over to the gate. He just walked on.
Without warning, my eyes watered and I began to cry. It was right then that I knew I had everything I have ever wanted and it gave me peace. I have so much to be thankful for and it overcame me all at once. I think I also cried for the man on his way to church - so many obstacles in his way but he walked on.
I'm gonna keep walking, too. I can beat you, Atlanta.
I'm not going anywhere.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Ramblin' woMan
I'm bored out of my mind. This schedule has me wanting to do harmful things to myself and those around me. I only have a few weeks to go before **hopefully** I'll have weekends off. It's such a lonely way of life to work when your friends don't and vice versa. I sit here all week with absolutely nothing to do....nowhere to go....nobody to see...solitude. Solitude sucks. I guess it's nice to have time to myself, to collect my thoughts and what not, but you kinda start to go out of your mind before too long. I'm sure if I had a boyfriend or my son lived with me or whatever I'd be grateful to have so much time to think...but...I've found that too much time on your hands is a bad thing. What's that saying about idle hands and the Devil?
I desperately need to get back into MMA. My back is all healed and my knee is all healed and I need to relieve some pent up anxiety. I miss martial arts so much. My bag full of equipment is in my closet and every now and then I take it out and give it a good whiff just to remind me of what blood, sweat and tears smells like. Ha. We should be getting our allotted $250 at work for the health & wellness program they've set up - every employee gets free money to spend on whatever they choose as long as it's related to health and wellness. I think I wanna buy a punching bag, but I dunno where I'd put it. How fun though, to have my own bag and be able to go out and do some muay thai whenever I want. I might just do that.
I'm tempted to go buy crafty things and give the old artsy fartsy thing a go again. I used to do a ton of art and now I don't - mainly because I'm poor but also because I don't really know that it drives me anymore. I kinda lost interest as opposed to lack of funds. And what am I saying, I'm not poor - far from it, in fact.
I dunno why I'm so down on myself lately. I live in a gorgeous house, I drive a nice car, I live in an awesome neighborhood, I meet cool people everywhere I go...but...something is missing. Something is lacking. Dunno what it is and it bugs me that I can't put my finger on it.
Maybe it's the fact that I've lost my sunglasses. I never lose things. I don't have all that much space of my own to actually lose anything - misplace maybe, but not lose. But, they're gone. I'll find them in like 2 years when my prescription will be all wacked out and they'll be of no use to me. Here's a question I want answered: Can you buy cheapo sunglass frames at like Target or somewhere and have prescription lenses put in them? I wanna do that if it's possible. I see so many cool frames that I'd love to have but there's no way I'd be able to see farther than 2 inches in front of my face.
I'm getting old. That's why my vision is shot. I'll be 28 this month. If you didn't realize, 28 rounds up to 30 which rounds up to 40 which rounds up to 80 which equals death. I'm almost dead by all accounts. If I don't have a fun birthday this year I think I may need to be placed on suicide watch. I need cheering up. I need excitement. I need fun times a million bajillion. I've always had sucky birthdays. I thought at least by now somebody nice would have thrown me a surprise party - I mean in 27 years its never happened. There have been 27 chances to shock the shit outta me and throw me a surprise party but nope, never. That's quite sad if you ask me. People need surprises.
I found a pack of cigarrettes in my car yesterday. They're Camel Lights. If you're the rightful owner, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but I'm going to smoke them...every last one. I found a pack of Newports under the passenger's seat like 3 nights ago. I gave those away because they were menthol. I'm not a smoker and non-smoker's definitely don't smoke menthols. But I will smoke Camel Lights. I'm really not a smoker. I'll smoke at a bar if I'm drinking but not otherwise. And this week I went out 2 nights in a row to bars and smoked like a chimney...but...the next day...no cravings. I'm like a medical mystery in that respect. I can smoke and smoke and smoke and not become addicted.
So I'm going outside now to enjoy this beautiful fall day...and blacken a tiny corner of my lung.
I desperately need to get back into MMA. My back is all healed and my knee is all healed and I need to relieve some pent up anxiety. I miss martial arts so much. My bag full of equipment is in my closet and every now and then I take it out and give it a good whiff just to remind me of what blood, sweat and tears smells like. Ha. We should be getting our allotted $250 at work for the health & wellness program they've set up - every employee gets free money to spend on whatever they choose as long as it's related to health and wellness. I think I wanna buy a punching bag, but I dunno where I'd put it. How fun though, to have my own bag and be able to go out and do some muay thai whenever I want. I might just do that.
I'm tempted to go buy crafty things and give the old artsy fartsy thing a go again. I used to do a ton of art and now I don't - mainly because I'm poor but also because I don't really know that it drives me anymore. I kinda lost interest as opposed to lack of funds. And what am I saying, I'm not poor - far from it, in fact.
I dunno why I'm so down on myself lately. I live in a gorgeous house, I drive a nice car, I live in an awesome neighborhood, I meet cool people everywhere I go...but...something is missing. Something is lacking. Dunno what it is and it bugs me that I can't put my finger on it.
Maybe it's the fact that I've lost my sunglasses. I never lose things. I don't have all that much space of my own to actually lose anything - misplace maybe, but not lose. But, they're gone. I'll find them in like 2 years when my prescription will be all wacked out and they'll be of no use to me. Here's a question I want answered: Can you buy cheapo sunglass frames at like Target or somewhere and have prescription lenses put in them? I wanna do that if it's possible. I see so many cool frames that I'd love to have but there's no way I'd be able to see farther than 2 inches in front of my face.
I'm getting old. That's why my vision is shot. I'll be 28 this month. If you didn't realize, 28 rounds up to 30 which rounds up to 40 which rounds up to 80 which equals death. I'm almost dead by all accounts. If I don't have a fun birthday this year I think I may need to be placed on suicide watch. I need cheering up. I need excitement. I need fun times a million bajillion. I've always had sucky birthdays. I thought at least by now somebody nice would have thrown me a surprise party - I mean in 27 years its never happened. There have been 27 chances to shock the shit outta me and throw me a surprise party but nope, never. That's quite sad if you ask me. People need surprises.
I found a pack of cigarrettes in my car yesterday. They're Camel Lights. If you're the rightful owner, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but I'm going to smoke them...every last one. I found a pack of Newports under the passenger's seat like 3 nights ago. I gave those away because they were menthol. I'm not a smoker and non-smoker's definitely don't smoke menthols. But I will smoke Camel Lights. I'm really not a smoker. I'll smoke at a bar if I'm drinking but not otherwise. And this week I went out 2 nights in a row to bars and smoked like a chimney...but...the next day...no cravings. I'm like a medical mystery in that respect. I can smoke and smoke and smoke and not become addicted.
So I'm going outside now to enjoy this beautiful fall day...and blacken a tiny corner of my lung.
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