I have a SECRET blog about dating??
Yep, sure do.
Email me for the link.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Oh Shit, I've Got A Blog!
Yeah bunghole, remember you told people to take a looksy at your BLOG?!? And now you're not UPDATING IT!
Sorry dudes, been busy.
So I'm officially 4 days out from my move to the ATL. Exciting stuff. I guess it's safe to go ahead and tell you about it now. For the longest I was under the impression that someone had a voodoo doll of me and would stab it everytime I had a deal go through on a house - like 3 of them fell through within 24 hours of me bragging on having found something. But alas, the deposit has been laid, the lease has been signed...and thus I present to you, my new abode!
(This is where I would put a picture of said abode, only I don't have one and frankly I'm not comfortable putting a photo of my house on the internet. But it's cool as shit, promise.)
My new house is on Euclid Avenue in Little Five Points. If you stand in the front yard you can look up the street and see Moreland - yes, I'm in walking distance of EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN. Literally, Corner Tavern is at the top of my street - turn right and the Vortex is a stone's throw - turn left and there's Zesto. Pretty damned cool.
The house was built in 1914 and is a really awesome Victorian with tons of character. It has a picket fence around the front yard and a trampoline in the back (naked trampoline sleepovers, here we come!). I couldn't have asked for a cooler place to call home. The entire house has 14 foot ceilings...my bedroom has a fireplace...shitloads of natural light - just peachy.
So the house is in order...now on to the moving process. Supposedly it's happening this Sunday and I've bitten the bullet and am paying for movers. I really should spend that money on more important stuff - like a GPS.
I get lost every single time I go down to Atlanta, no shit. I have faux GPS on my phone but it's not keen to keep glancing down at where I'm supposed to be going as opposed to focusing on the actual road and stuff. I went to Fry's yesterday to peruse their GPS selection and ran into Salesman of the Year (that's sarcasm). This was our exchange (Me is played by Me and DBS is played by DoucheBag Salesman):
DBS: Hey, can I help you find anything?
Me: (looking at a sign that says "While Supplies Last...so and so GPS...$119) Yeah, um, do y'all have anymore of these for $119?
DBS: (glances over shoulder in an obvious "I'm-not-looking-for-what-she-just-asked-me-to-look-for" sorta fashion) Nope, outta those. Yeah, just to let you know, you're not going to get a decent GPS for under $200. Anything under $200 is just going to tell you to turn left and right - they won't tell you any street names. Now we've got this Garmin over here for $249 that's pretty much what you're going to need to get where you need to go.
Me: (standing with a blank "I-hate-your-fucking-salesman-guts-DBS") Oh.
I think he figured he should walk away when steam began spewing from my ears and my fists clinched.
So DBS, lemme get this straight - I walk in asking about something that costs $119 and you proceed to bash half of your product display (because most GPS are around $150 but DBS says not to waste money on anything under $200) and then try to encourage me to purchase something that's $130 FUCKING DOLLARS MORE THAN WHAT I WANT TO PAY?!?!?
And anyway, I could care less if I'm supposed to turn at the intersection of Cum Lane and Titty Fuck Terrace - I just need to know when to turn and which way. GPS's know where you need to be and they tell you when to turn to get there. What do I care what the street names are? I mean I feel like a big enough asshole wanting to buy something to call out directions to me - it seems extravagant in my eyes. The last thing I need the GPS to do is wipe my ass, give me a happy ending and cook me eggs in the morning - just tell me where to turn!
Needless to say, Fry's did not move to the top of my "Awesome Electronics Stores" list.
Supposedly, the laws of physics or gravity or whateverthefuck dictate that the more I drive around, the easier it'll be for me to remember directions and how to get places - but at what cost? Is my sanity worth it?
Guess I'll find out...
ATLANTA OR BUST
Sorry dudes, been busy.
So I'm officially 4 days out from my move to the ATL. Exciting stuff. I guess it's safe to go ahead and tell you about it now. For the longest I was under the impression that someone had a voodoo doll of me and would stab it everytime I had a deal go through on a house - like 3 of them fell through within 24 hours of me bragging on having found something. But alas, the deposit has been laid, the lease has been signed...and thus I present to you, my new abode!
(This is where I would put a picture of said abode, only I don't have one and frankly I'm not comfortable putting a photo of my house on the internet. But it's cool as shit, promise.)
My new house is on Euclid Avenue in Little Five Points. If you stand in the front yard you can look up the street and see Moreland - yes, I'm in walking distance of EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN. Literally, Corner Tavern is at the top of my street - turn right and the Vortex is a stone's throw - turn left and there's Zesto. Pretty damned cool.
The house was built in 1914 and is a really awesome Victorian with tons of character. It has a picket fence around the front yard and a trampoline in the back (naked trampoline sleepovers, here we come!). I couldn't have asked for a cooler place to call home. The entire house has 14 foot ceilings...my bedroom has a fireplace...shitloads of natural light - just peachy.
So the house is in order...now on to the moving process. Supposedly it's happening this Sunday and I've bitten the bullet and am paying for movers. I really should spend that money on more important stuff - like a GPS.
I get lost every single time I go down to Atlanta, no shit. I have faux GPS on my phone but it's not keen to keep glancing down at where I'm supposed to be going as opposed to focusing on the actual road and stuff. I went to Fry's yesterday to peruse their GPS selection and ran into Salesman of the Year (that's sarcasm). This was our exchange (Me is played by Me and DBS is played by DoucheBag Salesman):
DBS: Hey, can I help you find anything?
Me: (looking at a sign that says "While Supplies Last...so and so GPS...$119) Yeah, um, do y'all have anymore of these for $119?
DBS: (glances over shoulder in an obvious "I'm-not-looking-for-what-she-just-asked-me-to-look-for" sorta fashion) Nope, outta those. Yeah, just to let you know, you're not going to get a decent GPS for under $200. Anything under $200 is just going to tell you to turn left and right - they won't tell you any street names. Now we've got this Garmin over here for $249 that's pretty much what you're going to need to get where you need to go.
Me: (standing with a blank "I-hate-your-fucking-salesman-guts-DBS") Oh.
I think he figured he should walk away when steam began spewing from my ears and my fists clinched.
So DBS, lemme get this straight - I walk in asking about something that costs $119 and you proceed to bash half of your product display (because most GPS are around $150 but DBS says not to waste money on anything under $200) and then try to encourage me to purchase something that's $130 FUCKING DOLLARS MORE THAN WHAT I WANT TO PAY?!?!?
And anyway, I could care less if I'm supposed to turn at the intersection of Cum Lane and Titty Fuck Terrace - I just need to know when to turn and which way. GPS's know where you need to be and they tell you when to turn to get there. What do I care what the street names are? I mean I feel like a big enough asshole wanting to buy something to call out directions to me - it seems extravagant in my eyes. The last thing I need the GPS to do is wipe my ass, give me a happy ending and cook me eggs in the morning - just tell me where to turn!
Needless to say, Fry's did not move to the top of my "Awesome Electronics Stores" list.
Supposedly, the laws of physics or gravity or whateverthefuck dictate that the more I drive around, the easier it'll be for me to remember directions and how to get places - but at what cost? Is my sanity worth it?
Guess I'll find out...
ATLANTA OR BUST
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Friday, August 8, 2008
House Hunters
While perusing homes the other day, my friend and I happened upon a house sporting a dryer in the kitchen...directly next to the stove.
That's gotta be like a major fire hazard, right???
That's gotta be like a major fire hazard, right???
He's So Dreamy
From this point forward, I will only date men who meet the following requirements:
- Height: between 5'11" and 6'4"
I have dated a few short guys and as great as they may have been, I always had an issue with their height. I need you to be tall. I need you to be taller than me. I don't want you to be too tall though, because that may attract unwanted attention from people...and I don't want to date a freak of nature.
- Must live within 10 miles of Atlanta
If you live outside of a 10 mile radius of the city limits of Atlanta, I'm sorry but I cannot date you. Your desire to live outside of a major city, one that's full of fun and exciting things to do, turns me off. You are weird. You should want to live where I want to live and that's not out in the middle of nowhere.
- Must have tattoos
You must have tattoos. I like to look at tattoos, especially colorful ones. The following tattoos do not count as real tattoos and are, in fact, a turn off: tribal arm band, tribal shape randomly placed on your body, any sports team logo/insignia, barbed wire, any asian symbol. If you have any of these, please have them removed or covered prior to our first date.
- Must have a motorcycle, know how to ride a motorcycle or have interest in owning a motorcycle
I love motorcycles far too much to never ride one. If you've never been on a motorcycle, you're weird and you suck and I don't want to know you, much less date you.
- Must make me laugh hysterically
I like to laugh. Laughing is fun.
- Must like music other than mainstream radio bullshit
I don't care what category your musical taste falls under, as long as it's original and not played on Atlanta radio.
- Must love art
Art is cool. We should go to galleries and stuff. And we should buy cool, eclectic art.
- Must be indifferent on marriage/kids
I may want to get married one day. I may want to have kids one day. I probably won't want either of those things and you need to be fine with that. If you've ever used the phrase "I was born to be a dad." or "I can't wait to meet my wife."...we will most definitely NOT work out. Please go away.
- Must be high on life
You need to be full of life...and spontaneous...and just out-of-your-mind, bat shit crazy. I want to want to be around you. I want to feel exhillerated in your presence. If you are a wallflower, I will inevitably end up cheating on you and hating your guts. You need to be fun squared.
- Must have used drugs in the past
People who have never tried drugs are scary people. You don't need to currently be on drugs, but you have to have been a free enough spirit at some point in your life to have crossed over into the danger zone.
- Must drink alcohol
I may want to tie one on at some point, and I'm going to need a partner in crime when/if I do. We'll worry about designated drivers at a later date.
- Must not be a workout nut
If you like to take care of your body, that's swell. I don't want the gym to take precedence over me or our fun times.
- Must not be a homebody
Get off your ass and let's go out. We can sleep when we're dead. There's too much to see and do in this great city to want to be at home on the couch.
- Must have friends
This one sounds ridiculous, but you'd be surprised at how many men have no friends and are just lurking, waiting to take over some poor unsuspecting girl's life with their lameness. Get some fucking friends, dude. I want them to be cool and interesting friends. Don't worry, they'll love me.
- Must not wear khaki pants unless mandated by your job or at a family based holiday gathering
If you wear khaki pants on your own time, something is wrong with you and you need to reevaluate where your life is headed.
- Must own cool hats
I want you to sport some unique headwear. No sports team ball caps - those get you in the negative. You should have like a fucking fedora that you wear with board shorts...or a pageboy style cap. Any hat that could be paired with khaki pants is a no go.
- Must be open minded and have cool ideas about life
Let's talk about philosophy or dying or nature or friggin' ghosts or pancakes or the color green - whatever. Our conversations should never revolve around reality television or celebrity gossip, making money, sports or any other trite bullshit that most normal people discuss. We're weirdos and we need to talk about weird stuff.
This is just the beginning. There are tons of other things I could go on about, but these are the basics that I'll be using to weed guys out with. There are always exceptions to the rule, of course, but I'd like to try and adhere to the above listed items.
Thank you for your cooperation and I look forward to getting it on with you.
- Height: between 5'11" and 6'4"
I have dated a few short guys and as great as they may have been, I always had an issue with their height. I need you to be tall. I need you to be taller than me. I don't want you to be too tall though, because that may attract unwanted attention from people...and I don't want to date a freak of nature.
- Must live within 10 miles of Atlanta
If you live outside of a 10 mile radius of the city limits of Atlanta, I'm sorry but I cannot date you. Your desire to live outside of a major city, one that's full of fun and exciting things to do, turns me off. You are weird. You should want to live where I want to live and that's not out in the middle of nowhere.
- Must have tattoos
You must have tattoos. I like to look at tattoos, especially colorful ones. The following tattoos do not count as real tattoos and are, in fact, a turn off: tribal arm band, tribal shape randomly placed on your body, any sports team logo/insignia, barbed wire, any asian symbol. If you have any of these, please have them removed or covered prior to our first date.
- Must have a motorcycle, know how to ride a motorcycle or have interest in owning a motorcycle
I love motorcycles far too much to never ride one. If you've never been on a motorcycle, you're weird and you suck and I don't want to know you, much less date you.
- Must make me laugh hysterically
I like to laugh. Laughing is fun.
- Must like music other than mainstream radio bullshit
I don't care what category your musical taste falls under, as long as it's original and not played on Atlanta radio.
- Must love art
Art is cool. We should go to galleries and stuff. And we should buy cool, eclectic art.
- Must be indifferent on marriage/kids
I may want to get married one day. I may want to have kids one day. I probably won't want either of those things and you need to be fine with that. If you've ever used the phrase "I was born to be a dad." or "I can't wait to meet my wife."...we will most definitely NOT work out. Please go away.
- Must be high on life
You need to be full of life...and spontaneous...and just out-of-your-mind, bat shit crazy. I want to want to be around you. I want to feel exhillerated in your presence. If you are a wallflower, I will inevitably end up cheating on you and hating your guts. You need to be fun squared.
- Must have used drugs in the past
People who have never tried drugs are scary people. You don't need to currently be on drugs, but you have to have been a free enough spirit at some point in your life to have crossed over into the danger zone.
- Must drink alcohol
I may want to tie one on at some point, and I'm going to need a partner in crime when/if I do. We'll worry about designated drivers at a later date.
- Must not be a workout nut
If you like to take care of your body, that's swell. I don't want the gym to take precedence over me or our fun times.
- Must not be a homebody
Get off your ass and let's go out. We can sleep when we're dead. There's too much to see and do in this great city to want to be at home on the couch.
- Must have friends
This one sounds ridiculous, but you'd be surprised at how many men have no friends and are just lurking, waiting to take over some poor unsuspecting girl's life with their lameness. Get some fucking friends, dude. I want them to be cool and interesting friends. Don't worry, they'll love me.
- Must not wear khaki pants unless mandated by your job or at a family based holiday gathering
If you wear khaki pants on your own time, something is wrong with you and you need to reevaluate where your life is headed.
- Must own cool hats
I want you to sport some unique headwear. No sports team ball caps - those get you in the negative. You should have like a fucking fedora that you wear with board shorts...or a pageboy style cap. Any hat that could be paired with khaki pants is a no go.
- Must be open minded and have cool ideas about life
Let's talk about philosophy or dying or nature or friggin' ghosts or pancakes or the color green - whatever. Our conversations should never revolve around reality television or celebrity gossip, making money, sports or any other trite bullshit that most normal people discuss. We're weirdos and we need to talk about weird stuff.
This is just the beginning. There are tons of other things I could go on about, but these are the basics that I'll be using to weed guys out with. There are always exceptions to the rule, of course, but I'd like to try and adhere to the above listed items.
Thank you for your cooperation and I look forward to getting it on with you.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Dickhater
And begin fun times in and around Atlanta...starting...NOW.
Monday was an interesting day. I went to look at a potential living arrangement in Kirkwood. Combine an old house with tons of character and a half-drunken weirdo chick who smokes inside and you get nowhere. This house was so unbelievably awesome...only it smelled like a bag of assholes and the chick showing me around was tanked. Bummer.
I met a buddy afterwards at Brick Store Pub in downtown Decatur. If you're into beer (and I don't mean PBR) you should really give this place a go. It's a small place but has a really awesome vibe. They have a shit ton of beer on tap and in bottles. I mean seriously, they know their beer. So much so that they even have a Belgian Beer Bar on the second level. The food was suprisingly delicious. I had the pierogi's with fresh veggies - for only $7.95! Buddy had roasted red pepper hummus and she said it was scrumptious. The food is suprisingly cheap for the quality. Somewhere along the way my number was left on a business card for the bartender, along with the message "CALL FOR ORAL" added by some guys we'd made nice with. Don't ask and I won't tell.
Next we walked (yes walked - most stuff is within walking distance) to Twain's which is sort of a bar/game room place that's kid friendly. Now I'm not a big fan of taking children to bars but I digress. They had some serious trivia going on, as well as a dart league and plenty of pool in effect. It was a cool place if games and booze are your thing. And my handsomely talented friend Joe McGuinness plays the blues there every now and then, too.
If you've never been to downtown Decatur, I strongly urge you to go. It's chock full of shops and eateries, majority of which are not chain establishments which I find super awesome. It has a small town vibe while maintaining its big city allure. Definitely make it to JChristopher's for brunch. I had the "Just Bubba" for breakfast there last weekend. It's mostly patronized/staffed by the gays but it makes for a fun experience. They're priced nicely, too.
Anyway, I'm about 3 weeks out from moving, so for now the search for housing continues. I'll keep ya posted so stay on the edge of your seat...
http://www.decaturga.com/
http://www.brickstorepub.com/
http://www.twains.net/
http://www.jchristophers.com/
www.myspace.com/joemcguinness
Monday was an interesting day. I went to look at a potential living arrangement in Kirkwood. Combine an old house with tons of character and a half-drunken weirdo chick who smokes inside and you get nowhere. This house was so unbelievably awesome...only it smelled like a bag of assholes and the chick showing me around was tanked. Bummer.
I met a buddy afterwards at Brick Store Pub in downtown Decatur. If you're into beer (and I don't mean PBR) you should really give this place a go. It's a small place but has a really awesome vibe. They have a shit ton of beer on tap and in bottles. I mean seriously, they know their beer. So much so that they even have a Belgian Beer Bar on the second level. The food was suprisingly delicious. I had the pierogi's with fresh veggies - for only $7.95! Buddy had roasted red pepper hummus and she said it was scrumptious. The food is suprisingly cheap for the quality. Somewhere along the way my number was left on a business card for the bartender, along with the message "CALL FOR ORAL" added by some guys we'd made nice with. Don't ask and I won't tell.
Next we walked (yes walked - most stuff is within walking distance) to Twain's which is sort of a bar/game room place that's kid friendly. Now I'm not a big fan of taking children to bars but I digress. They had some serious trivia going on, as well as a dart league and plenty of pool in effect. It was a cool place if games and booze are your thing. And my handsomely talented friend Joe McGuinness plays the blues there every now and then, too.
If you've never been to downtown Decatur, I strongly urge you to go. It's chock full of shops and eateries, majority of which are not chain establishments which I find super awesome. It has a small town vibe while maintaining its big city allure. Definitely make it to JChristopher's for brunch. I had the "Just Bubba" for breakfast there last weekend. It's mostly patronized/staffed by the gays but it makes for a fun experience. They're priced nicely, too.
Anyway, I'm about 3 weeks out from moving, so for now the search for housing continues. I'll keep ya posted so stay on the edge of your seat...
http://www.decaturga.com/
http://www.brickstorepub.com/
http://www.twains.net/
http://www.jchristophers.com/
www.myspace.com/joemcguinness
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Welcome
So as you may already know, I was forced to remove my last blog because of a psycho internet stalker. It had a decent run, regular readers and more support than I would have imagined. I found blogging to be really therapeutic more than anything, but I also received compliments on my writing so I figured I'd start up a new one and see how well it went over.
There has been a change however - this will be a themed blog.
I know, I know. A themed blog severely restricts and limits topics of conversation but I felt a bit of a disconnect with my last blog. I mean there are only so many random stories and funny pictures/videos you can share before it starts to get bland.
Not to say my shit was ever bland - because we all know that's most certainly NOT the case. <-----That's called MODESTY.
Anyway, you may or may not know that I will be moving to Atlanta in a few weeks. I haven't secured a place yet, but I do have a couple of prospects on the horizon. I've had some cancellations and dropouts but things are looking positive at the moment.
This move isn't just a change of scenery. It's really much more of a lifestyle change. I was born and raised in Atlanta, but have spent the majority of my adult life in the suburbs, aka HELL ON EARTH. I'm sad to say I don't know my way around the city and really haven't experienced any of the cool shit it has to offer.
Enter this blog.
I want this blog to serve not only as a sounding board for my rants and raves about daily life, but also as sort of an inspiration to those who don't get down to Atlanta all that much but are curious about what all it has going on. I wanna buy some cool art and hear some great live music and see some cool shows. I wanna eat at mom-and-pop places and walk around. I wanna live life and be proud to say this is where I come from.
Same rules apply as before: I will remain vague on some details and real names will never be used. Occasional pictures and videos will make the cut but I'd like to keep the meat and potatoes to writing. Comments and suggestions are encouraged and appreciated. Feel free to remain anonymous.
So sit back and enjoy....This Is My Atlanta.
There has been a change however - this will be a themed blog.
I know, I know. A themed blog severely restricts and limits topics of conversation but I felt a bit of a disconnect with my last blog. I mean there are only so many random stories and funny pictures/videos you can share before it starts to get bland.
Not to say my shit was ever bland - because we all know that's most certainly NOT the case. <-----That's called MODESTY.
Anyway, you may or may not know that I will be moving to Atlanta in a few weeks. I haven't secured a place yet, but I do have a couple of prospects on the horizon. I've had some cancellations and dropouts but things are looking positive at the moment.
This move isn't just a change of scenery. It's really much more of a lifestyle change. I was born and raised in Atlanta, but have spent the majority of my adult life in the suburbs, aka HELL ON EARTH. I'm sad to say I don't know my way around the city and really haven't experienced any of the cool shit it has to offer.
Enter this blog.
I want this blog to serve not only as a sounding board for my rants and raves about daily life, but also as sort of an inspiration to those who don't get down to Atlanta all that much but are curious about what all it has going on. I wanna buy some cool art and hear some great live music and see some cool shows. I wanna eat at mom-and-pop places and walk around. I wanna live life and be proud to say this is where I come from.
Same rules apply as before: I will remain vague on some details and real names will never be used. Occasional pictures and videos will make the cut but I'd like to keep the meat and potatoes to writing. Comments and suggestions are encouraged and appreciated. Feel free to remain anonymous.
So sit back and enjoy....This Is My Atlanta.
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