He's So Dreamy

From this point forward, I will only date men who meet the following requirements:


- Height: between 5'11" and 6'4"
I have dated a few short guys and as great as they may have been, I always had an issue with their height. I need you to be tall. I need you to be taller than me. I don't want you to be too tall though, because that may attract unwanted attention from people...and I don't want to date a freak of nature.

- Must live within 10 miles of Atlanta
If you live outside of a 10 mile radius of the city limits of Atlanta, I'm sorry but I cannot date you. Your desire to live outside of a major city, one that's full of fun and exciting things to do, turns me off. You are weird. You should want to live where I want to live and that's not out in the middle of nowhere.

- Must have tattoos
You must have tattoos. I like to look at tattoos, especially colorful ones. The following tattoos do not count as real tattoos and are, in fact, a turn off: tribal arm band, tribal shape randomly placed on your body, any sports team logo/insignia, barbed wire, any asian symbol. If you have any of these, please have them removed or covered prior to our first date.

- Must have a motorcycle, know how to ride a motorcycle or have interest in owning a motorcycle
I love motorcycles far too much to never ride one. If you've never been on a motorcycle, you're weird and you suck and I don't want to know you, much less date you.

- Must make me laugh hysterically
I like to laugh. Laughing is fun.

- Must like music other than mainstream radio bullshit
I don't care what category your musical taste falls under, as long as it's original and not played on Atlanta radio.

- Must love art
Art is cool. We should go to galleries and stuff. And we should buy cool, eclectic art.

- Must be indifferent on marriage/kids
I may want to get married one day. I may want to have kids one day. I probably won't want either of those things and you need to be fine with that. If you've ever used the phrase "I was born to be a dad." or "I can't wait to meet my wife."...we will most definitely NOT work out. Please go away.

- Must be high on life
You need to be full of life...and spontaneous...and just out-of-your-mind, bat shit crazy. I want to want to be around you. I want to feel exhillerated in your presence. If you are a wallflower, I will inevitably end up cheating on you and hating your guts. You need to be fun squared.

- Must have used drugs in the past
People who have never tried drugs are scary people. You don't need to currently be on drugs, but you have to have been a free enough spirit at some point in your life to have crossed over into the danger zone.

- Must drink alcohol
I may want to tie one on at some point, and I'm going to need a partner in crime when/if I do. We'll worry about designated drivers at a later date.

- Must not be a workout nut
If you like to take care of your body, that's swell. I don't want the gym to take precedence over me or our fun times.

- Must not be a homebody
Get off your ass and let's go out. We can sleep when we're dead. There's too much to see and do in this great city to want to be at home on the couch.

- Must have friends
This one sounds ridiculous, but you'd be surprised at how many men have no friends and are just lurking, waiting to take over some poor unsuspecting girl's life with their lameness. Get some fucking friends, dude. I want them to be cool and interesting friends. Don't worry, they'll love me.

- Must not wear khaki pants unless mandated by your job or at a family based holiday gathering
If you wear khaki pants on your own time, something is wrong with you and you need to reevaluate where your life is headed.

- Must own cool hats
I want you to sport some unique headwear. No sports team ball caps - those get you in the negative. You should have like a fucking fedora that you wear with board shorts...or a pageboy style cap. Any hat that could be paired with khaki pants is a no go.

- Must be open minded and have cool ideas about life
Let's talk about philosophy or dying or nature or friggin' ghosts or pancakes or the color green - whatever. Our conversations should never revolve around reality television or celebrity gossip, making money, sports or any other trite bullshit that most normal people discuss. We're weirdos and we need to talk about weird stuff.


This is just the beginning. There are tons of other things I could go on about, but these are the basics that I'll be using to weed guys out with. There are always exceptions to the rule, of course, but I'd like to try and adhere to the above listed items.




Thank you for your cooperation and I look forward to getting it on with you.